This Song is Actually Banned Throughout Zones 1 to 5....

I just wanted to share one of my most scarring early childhood memories- 'Nothing Ever Happens'*by Del Amitri. A certain member of my immediate family bought this tape single and proceeded to play it on repeat for about a month one summer... It's like some kind of Freudian primal scene I remember nothing about- except that when this song came on in some grimy old man's pub in Bath the other day it was like slipping into one of my worst, forgotten nightmares....

Justin Currie clearly thought he was somewhere between Schopenhauer and Karl Marx with this critique upon modern society and consumerism. I particularly love the line about American business snapping up Van Goghs for the price of a hospital wing... so fucking profound!

Am I being harsh? Did none of these ideas exist before the intellectual salon of Del Amitri was formed in the 80s? What I despise the most is the sense of moral superiority coming from this middle-of-the-road sell out pop-rock act who chose to make their money by flogging absolute bile the 'ignorant people' they are insulting in the song and have probably never donated any of their ill-gotten gains towards building hospital wings.

Put all of this against the Bob Dylan-esque whiny protest song style and repetitive, acoustic guitars. IT__IS__HIDEOUS.

*(I would highly recommend clicking on the song's link just so you can see Justin's grave, pouting face and werewolf sideburns!)

Nothing Ever Happens
Post office clerks put up signs saying position closed
And secretaries turn off typewriters and put on their coats
Janitors padlock the gates
For security guards to patrol
And bachelors phone up their friends for a drink
While the married ones turn on a chat show
And they'll all be lonely tonight and lonely tomorrow

Gentlemen time please, you know we can't serve anymore
Now the traffic lights change to stop, when there's nothing to go
And by five o'clock everything's dead
And every third car is a cab
And ignorant people sleep in their beds
Like the doped white mice in the college lab

Nothing ever happens, nothing happens at all
The needle returns to the start of the song
And we all sing along like before
And we'll all be lonely tonight and lonely tomorrow

Telephone exchanges click while there's nobody there
The Martians could land in the carpark and no one would care
Close-circuit cameras in department stores shoot the same video every day
And the stars of these films neither die nor get killed
Just survive constant action replay

Nothing ever happens, nothing happens at all
The needle returns to the start of the song
And we all sing along like before
And we'll all be lonely tonight and lonely tomorrow

Bill hoardings advertise products that nobody needs
While angry from Manchester writes to complain about
All the repeats on T.V.
And computer terminals report some gains
On the values of copper and tin
While American businessmen snap up Van Goghs
For the price of a hospital wing

Nothing ever happens, nothing happens at all
The needle returns to the start of the song
And we all sing along like before
Nothing ever happens, nothing happens at all
They'll burn down the synagogues at six o'clock
And we'll all go along like before
And we'll all be lonely tonight and lonely tomorrow